holding hands

the wounds inside are hard to heal
but when we stand beside our childs crib
then the hurts seem to fall away
I always want to hold your hand
please hold mine for ever too
the skin outside is hiding more than
the organs that feel and do
if you smile then I touch your soul
I always want to hold your hand
please hold mine for ever too
lessons are there to be learnt
even when the message is hard
I try never to hate those who teach
I always want to hold your hand
please hold mine for ever too
it is important to me to be true
some people never learn to resist
the easy path to betrayel and mistrust
I always want to hold your hand
please hold mine for ever too.

shopping

You push the shopping cart,
and I watch your easy slow stride.
Reaching out, cornflour, beef jerky,
and wild rice, with porcini mushrooms:
tossed into the cart, like a salad.
At one point you reach for my arm
and stroke the inner fleshy part.
I feel that sexiness that comes
from wanting you.
Your arms fold me into you
like a warm towel after a shower.
We kiss down the aisle
where I can see the pepered tuna
and tinned artichokes.
I steal a white grape
as you squeeze my shoulder,
waiting to pay.
Then loading the goodies Save Now
into the back of your motor,
as I climb in and
struggle with the weight
of our unborn child.
You reach over and kiss me,
and I think
this is how it will always be.
No kisses
were as loving
ever again.

pnce and again

once again you kissed me
you know I wanted to be kissed
so you kissed me
thankyou
once again you wanted me
you know I wanted to be wanted
so you let me know
you felt it too
once again
again and again
I asked you once again
you said 'yes, it is true'.
I smiled,
I had always known.
It could be only you,
back once again,
I smile.

wishin'

I am sitting in McSorleys
old ale house,
and you are propping up the bar
waiting for the beers.
you carry them over to us
and I ask for your pen.
I scribble the details of the man
I have met,
before I forget them.
I am thinking of his muscular torso
all the time that you look at me.
His powerful hands crossed
remind me of his strength.
I keeping thinking of him
and wanting him.
You are talking,
and I am looking past you.
What is he doing now I wonder?
You dont seem to care
even though you say you are trying to.
I see the woman you were
with these past years
in your eyes even now.
I cant stop thinking of him,
and I suppose
we are the same
you and I.
Are we too far
down this road
to make it work now?
I am staring at the tiled floor
and wondering what to do.
You are wearing that ring
I gave you
on your pinkie.
I have taken all my rings
from you
off my fingers.
You notice
- take my hand
and kiss my ring finger.
Yes I will wear my wedding ring again -
but not quickly.
The man at the bar
alone
has wide hips,
as wide as mine.
I see him turn to smile at me,
and I return his look.
He wants me,
but I love you
yetdesire another.
We leave there
and start up the street
passing others less confused.
Wishin' we could start over
but knowkng
too much has passed before.

full circle

I was solemn
when you said bye bye
I was feeling guilty
because it had to be my fault.
we came full circle,
and here we are.
There was a time delay
for a moment
you were still a part of me.
I prepared myself
for those final goodbyes,
we came full circle.
you contributed to the pain,
I caused most of it.
You were stunned,
I was stunned
but it made no difference.
tears fell again and again,
over me and over you.
we were mismatched -
I knew it from the start,
we came full circle.
Every day was the same,
I was angry,
you were avoding me.
Every day was the same
I was accusing you,
and you would not defend you.
All those wonderful experiences
we shared
gone suddenly,
we came full circle.
Sweet nuthin's
that you whispered to me
I still remmebered.
You remmebered
only the parts
that suited you.
Where is the closure,
where is it?
I never felt
or found it,
we came full circle,
but you seemed
to have so easily.
Lying in her arms,
where you are now,
I feel sick thinking of it.
But what difference does it make,
I cant bring you back.
You will always be the same,
wherever you are,
never changing.
I dont trust you anymore,
we cant change things.
it was inevitable,
we came full circle,
it was hopeless,
it was finished.

in a moment

In a moment, you threw it away.
Like the toys you tossed aside
to reach for your keys when you left.
Like the quick look you gave me,
as I watched you make that last call.
I knew I had to get myself together again,
and stop bubbling inside with emotions.
Pure anger, confusion and the thoughts that confused me.
I wanted to tell you all this but you were gone.
I looked around for the childs socks,
and knew you had taken one by mistake.
I looked around for my lipstick
and found that the lid was crushed under your leaving foot.
I can't leave the kids, even if you can.
I see your aftershaves are missing,
she will enjoy your smell as I did.
I put away the laundry knowing,
this will be the last time for you.
I fold, I iron, and I feed the kids,
whose faces remind me of you forever.
I finally lay down in the bed that you left,
and look up at the ceiling alone.

piano plays

I watched a man play a music scale
the piano was off key
he seemed to be alone inside
I watched his eyes glance over it,
he looked up at me and we smiled.
I pushed my plate away and frowned.
Why did yu decide today to leave me.
I watched the beautiful couple,
as they danced around together,
she glanced over to me and smiled.
I envied their mutual love.
Can I ever find the same myself.
When it was there, i threw it away.
I don't blame you for not wanting me.
I find the words seem to hurt me,
words that find their voice inside.
Remember that restaurant we went to,
and you tipped so generously,
I held your hand really tightly,
you kissed my forehead softly.
I looked into your eyes and laughed.
Now here you are, not showing up.
I am looking nervously around,
others are looking back at me.
Will I think back to this evening,
and wonder how I could have survived?
I know it isn't going to be easy,
I tell myself I am better off now.
Why did it go wrong, I ask myself,
you didnt love me, I said aloud,
you never gave us a chance,
You quit somehow so quickly.
The music from the piano is bliss,
I want to laugh but instead I cry,
somewhere, you are with a new girl,
forgetting me and it hurts me,
knowing that we broke ups so painfully.
The pianist is leaving now,
he nods at me and smiles softly.
I want to leave with any stranger,
who might desire me as you did.
I hesitate, and choose loneliness.